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144.WHO IS LYING

This is a site about on how to know when

someone is lying too you!

The  Extremelifechanger

website is about finding truth!

Instructions

  1. 1

    Look for body language that might indicate someone is lying, such as not looking you in the eye when speaking to you, being fidgety, or acting nervous or uncomfortable.

  2. 2

    Listen for inconsistencies in what the person tells you, such as different stories on different days, different time frames, mistakes in remembering details or mixing up details.

  3. 3

    Notice if the person steadfastly resists answering any questions. Extreme defensiveness could mean that he or she is trying to hide something.

  4. 4

    Notice if the person accuses you of lying or being deceitful when you really haven't been. This could reflect the other person's own underlying behavior, which he or she is projecting onto you rather than owning up to it.

  5. 5

    Listen to your gut and intuition. You may just know someone is lying. If you are not sure, don't jump to conclusions. Try to get some evidence to back up your hunch.

  6. 6

    Consider asking directly if the person has lied to you. Many people feel bad getting caught up in lies, and find it a relief to finally be honest.

  7. 7

    Try to be understanding and listen to the person's reasons for lying. Was he trying not to hurt you? Was she afraid you would be angry, upset or disappointed?

  8. 8

    Look at your possible role in having someone lie to you. Are you someone who gets so upset hearing the truth that others feel they can't be honest with you?



Read more: How to Know if Someone Is Lying | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_13299_know-someone-lying.html#ixzz17YLUFzsd

Interactions and Reactions

• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.

• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.

• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.

Verbal Context and Content

• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”

•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”


• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.

• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.

• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.

• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other
words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.

• The use of distancing languageout to wikipedia

Other signs of a lie:

• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.

• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.

how to see a fake smileThe Verbal Clusters of Deception

Verbal clusters are generally the least reliable of all the deception patterns. However, combined with the other clusters, they can improve detection accuracy. The main issue with verbal patterns is that they can be rehearsed, but this can be avoided through spontaneous questioning.

General Verbal Responses

  • May take longer to start answering
  • May answer to quickly or before the question is completed
  • Often ask the questioner to repeat the question or they repeat it themselves
  • Overly polite or apologetic dialog
  • Persistent complaints
  • Unnatural silence

The Behavioral Clusters of Deception

Deceptive people follow certain behavioral patterns. These can be viewed from the most apparent (macro-patterns) to the almost imperceptible (micro-patterns). Here’s the progression from largest to smallest:

- Macro Patterns -

General Behaviors:

  • Increased discomfort and anxiety
  • Hostility
  • Unmerited anger towards you
  • Persistent evasiveness
  • Resistance

Posture:

  • Early signs of extreme rigidity followed by alternating stiffness and relaxation
  • Hands, legs, objects put in front of body to form a barrier (folding arms, crossing legs, etc.)
  • Feigned lack of interest
  • Posture changes caused by topic changes
  • Not facing you
  • Distancing or leaning away from you

Gestures and Movements:

  • Rubbing the forehead near the temple region
  • Squeezing the face, rubbing the neck, or stroking the back of the head with the hand.
  • Using fewer hand movements to illustrate their actions than usual
  • Movement away from you
  • Lip licking and hard swallowing
  • Wringing hands
  • Hiding the eyes

There are two psychological reasons behind the source of these macro patterns. The first is the brain’s inability to differentiate a real physical threat from a perceived one. This awakens the ‘fight or flight’ instinct and explains the hostility, anger, evasiveness or physical attempts to move away from you.

The second reason is that psychological stress increases anxiety so much that we cannot store it internally anymoreThis leads to an external overflow, explaining the fidgeting, hand rubbing, sweating, lip licking, leg bouncing etc. When you see ’stress overflow’ try asking yourself what it may mean. If it arose as a result of your questioning, then it may point to deception.

- Micro Patterns -

The micro patterns are all expressed on the face. And again there is a continuum from largest to smallest:

General Expressions:

  • Averting the eyes
  • Focusing the eyes - some will try to stare down to show control. (A truthful person stares only half the time on average)
  • Face whitening (indicates fear)
  • Face flushing (indicates anger or shame)

Eye-Accessing Cues

In the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) they use the phenomenon of eye-accessing cues to help recognize patterns of thinking. By the direction of where the person’s eyes are looking, you can determine whether they are using vision, sound or kinesthetic (feeling) to trigger their thinking.

NLP-thought-access

If this represents a person facing you then when they look up and to the left (your upper right) they’ll be accessing a visual memory. Up and to the right (again, your upper left) means that they’re visually constructing (imagining) something. To your right, they’re remembering a sound, to your left, they’re creating a sound. Down right, the person is accessing a bodily feeling or emotion. Down left (your down right), they are accessing inner dialog (talking to themselves).

If, for example, you were asking your child where they got the candybar, and they look to their ‘constructing’ side, then you can be sure they’re fabricating the story.

Keep in mind that this is reversed for left-dominant people (left handers). So before you can use this, be aware of which of their sides is the dominant one.

Micro Expressions

Clearly the most difficult to master, however if you do, this can give you a 90% success rate at detecting lies.

In the nineteen-sixties, renowned psychologist Paul Ekman began decoding the language of facial expressions. He organized them into a syntax of language which he termed “action units” - the set of all distinct muscular movements that the face could make. This totaled to only 46 individual movements, but in combination with each other, the face is capable of producing over 7000 unique expressions!

Luckily for us, we don’t have to memorize each one or its meaning, just be able to perceive the inconsistent “micro-expressions” that one makes during deceit. The FBI and CIA use Ekman’s methods to determine any deception from suspects during interrogations. And their ability to percieve it is amazing. This is due to the fact that some of the muscles involved in expressions are not under conscious control.

This is clearly the case when we feel strong emotions, but wish to supress or hide them. Those expressions of emotion appear on our faces, even if only for a fraction of a second. It probably explains our intuitive feelings that someone is being dishonest, because subconsciously we’re picking up on these expressions. These fleeting, almost imperceptible looks are what’s called “micro-expressions.”

When people lie, they try to hide the fact through altering their voluntary facial expressions (macro expressions) and body language to appear in harmony with their words. Because of this,the face will hold accurate as well as misleading information. Unfortunately, most people respond to the macro expressions and become decieved; However, a few keen observers can detect these micro expressions as well as other imperfections in the macro displays, and are correctly informed.

For example, distinguishing between a fake smile, one that can be performed at will, and a real smile, which is generated by the unconscious brain, comes down to awareness of the actionunits involved in a genuine smile. (Here’s a great link from the BBC which provides a test to determine if you can determine a genuine smile from a fake one through recognizing these micro expressions:http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/smiles/index.shtml

According to Ekman, deception will most always show up in the face as an inconsistency between the micro and macro expressions. Even though most people are not attuned to the recognition of micro expressions, most can learn to become sensitive to them.

For more information about this, training materials, and workshops check out Paul Ekman’s site

Conclusion

As you learn to establish the baseline behavior of honesty, recognize deception clusters that deviate from this baseline, and progressively refine your assumptions through questioning and observations, you will be well on your way to becoming an amazing lie detector. Remember to look at things as a whole. The more patterns you can discover that seem to point in one direction, the more accurate your detection will be.

I want to thank you for hanging in there! This series (long winded at times, I know) on How to Read People has hopefully been a help to you in your desire for personal growth and knowledge. Feel free to leave any comments of your experiences or experiments with these skills.





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